I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
