yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I AM VODKA MAN
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
