i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
