guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
