The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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