conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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