Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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