I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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