Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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