I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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