No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
the raccoons are back...
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