My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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