my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
