i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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