I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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