so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
