Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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