margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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