Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she pinky promised me she was 18
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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