Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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