when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
one two three fourrrrnication!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
