do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
