i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
