I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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