my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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