theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
