god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
