I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
