Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
