I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
