I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
