Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
