Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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