I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
