Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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