we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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