I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
