How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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We just shotgunned beers for America
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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