oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
