Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
