So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
