Screwed.edu
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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