did you get engaged???
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
