He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
