What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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