well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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