i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
