we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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