I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
