dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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