I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
