Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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