Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
