I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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