You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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