bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize