you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
