Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
