If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
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Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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