Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
