it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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