the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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