I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
